Mars Sextile Jupiter

 The perfect day to add something here. Or rather, a good use for this transit.

Now that I smoke weed at night to help me sleep the idea that I wanted to be a writer drifts  into my conscious thought and I sift through all the things that I dreamt about that I could write.

How I came to astrology in 1996 and was fortunate enough to meet and study with Michael Lutin.

What it's been like to have  Sun, Mercury and Venus in Aries intercepted in the Twelfth with Mars in Pisces in the Eleventh and Jupiter in Virgo at the end of the Fourth, and a lot more I can't remember now.

How I started this blog in 2009 and how good it was then as I was still blown away by the uncanny if not frightening accuracy of astrology and still capable of writing more than one sentence. 

How I wanted to start a YouTube channel called Weeding the Gila to chronicle my attempts at gardening in the high desert town of Silver City in New Mexico

How the last several years here have gotten worse and worse, almost culminating (perfection is April 2027) with progressed Saturn six seconds of arc away from my natal North Node in Cancer in the Third (end 2024 had to stop playing tennis, 2025 with a fully deserved DWI unable to drive because of inability to make the device in my car work and now this year unable to walk except with a Zimmer frame (walker to Americans). 

How this blog suffered over the last year and dwindled away to nothing as life became more painful and constricting and was untouched for months, and how I'm now wondering if I can revive it, this being an attempt at just that. 

OK, an early Twelfth House memory:

*****

When I was four I wrote "I am a prisoner at 249 Norwood Road" on a piece of paper, wrapped it round a stone, secured it with twine and threw it out an (open) ground floor window of the house I lived in with my family where it was found by my perturbed and horrified grandmother who interrogated me at length about it. 

*****

There. That only took 81 years. 

It's Still Here

Almost calls for an exclamation mark.

So last entrant end of July, now September 3.

My dear little blog still here after a horrible August. Paid little attention to astrology and today is the first time I've had a positive thought  about my current position since I've been in it. 

Sun conjunct Pluto

Things are beginning to come together. Today I ...

Did my Duolingo

Carried around a bottle of sparkling water with a piece of lemon in it and drank from it

Did four "sit to stand"s (not good) and a couple of heels across the bed (not good either)

Listened to music so didn't spend all day on YouTube

Ate like a normal person...

...which is the biggest one of all, but only sufferers of Bulimia and Anorexia could understand that, and even I am beginning to take it for granted. 

Venus Conjunct Jupiter

Infectious good mood it isn't, but things are speeding up.

Housekeeper coming Saturday to scope out the place and home help coming this Friday to see exactly what it is I need and Mondays and Fridays two hours a day after that if it works out. 

Just opened a jar of Talenti sea salt caramel gelato and there on the silver foil top of the actual tub are little QR codes. On top of the ice-cream. Lord help us. 

Mars Square Jupiter

So this is why I'm thinking I need to get over being furious that I have to use a walker to, er, walk  and  realize I need to make a schedule for every day and stick to it .  

Two stents in my heart  last Tuesday and three months to go before I can have hip surgery and I stopped doing the exercises I was given at least two months ago.

So far today I've remembered I'm supposed to take my blood pressure daily and dug out the BP sheet from my discharge papers, took my BP, 143 over something, and will leave it all by the side of the bed so I can do it each morning without looking for it all. 

Exercise is something else I need to do every day and there's something else I can't remember but I suppose this is a start. 

*****

P.S: Did good today. First restful day since I got back from Tucson. 

Haven't done it yet, but got the clipboard and put the BP chart on, did a tiny bit of exercise and realized the two pages of exercises I've been ignoring for two months will fit there as well along with more pages of paper, the reason being the organization of everything in the house to make life easier for myself, hence walk-in shower and four low steps instead of two big ones.

Yung work: being clever has gotten me into a lot of trouble. 

So Desperate I'm asking AI

And this is what I get:

>>Living with severe, constant physical pain, losing your mobility, being entirely isolated at home, and >>facing uncertainty around major medical clearances is an overwhelming combination of stressors. It is >>>completely understandable that your mind and spirit feel absolutely crushed under this weight.

OK, so it's not constant, severe, physical pain. It's only when I move. 

Cat did not come back this morning. Cried for the first time. Not sobs, but cried. This is the Day of the Basket. Numb. 5:50 pm cat returns. 

DUOLINGO: I'm in the demotion zone again. 

New Moon in Cancer in the Third

Posting something on here now is the modern version of putting a letter in a bottle and flinging it into the ocean, thanks to my mental breakdown or whatever it was when I realized I couldn't walk without  a Zimmer Frame, went into a decline, stopped posting and lost my two followers and my 90-day Duolingo streak. That was in May. 

Mid-July now and my misery's turned into acceptance of my fate - not being able to walk without a walker - with every now and again a glimpse of the future flitting by. 

Bathroom is being re-modeled to walk-in shower, broken concrete on patio smoothed out, helped along by Jupiter in Leo in the fourth.