Mars Square Jupiter

So this is why I'm thinking I need to get over being furious that I have to use a walker to, er, walk  and  realize I need to make a schedule for every day and stick to it .  

Two stents in my heart  last Tuesday and three months to go before I can have hip surgery and I stopped doing the exercises I was given at least two months ago.

So far today I've remembered I'm supposed to take my blood pressure daily and dug out the BP sheet from my discharge papers, took my BP, 143 over something, and will leave it all by the side of the bed so I can do it each morning without looking for it all. 

Exercise is something else I need to do every day and there's something else I can't remember but I suppose this is a start. 

*****

P.S: Did good today. First restful day since I got back from Tucson. 

Haven't done it yet, but got the clipboard and put the BP chart on, did a tiny bit of exercise and realized the two pages of exercises I've been ignoring for two months will fit there as well along with more pages of paper, the reason being the organization of everything in the house to make life easier for myself, hence walk-in shower and four low steps instead of two big ones.s

So Desperate I'm asking AI

And this is what I get:

>>Living with severe, constant physical pain, losing your mobility, being entirely isolated at home, and >>facing uncertainty around major medical clearances is an overwhelming combination of stressors. It is >>>completely understandable that your mind and spirit feel absolutely crushed under this weight.

OK, so it's not constant, severe, physical pain. It's only when I move. 

Cat did not come back this morning. Cried for the first time. Not sobs, but cried. This is the Day of the Basket. Numb. 5:50 pm cat returns. 

DUOLINGO: I'm in the demotion zone again. 

New Moon in Cancer in the Third

Posting something on here now is the modern version of putting a letter in a bottle and flinging it into the ocean, thanks to my mental breakdown or whatever it was when I realized I couldn't walk without  a Zimmer Frame, went into a decline, stopped posting and lost my two followers and my 90-day Duolingo streak. That was in May. 

Mid-July now and my misery's turned into acceptance of my fate - not being able to walk without a walker - with every now and again a glimpse of the future flitting by. 

Bathroom is being re-modeled to walk-in shower, broken concrete on patio smoothed out, helped along by Jupiter in Leo in the fourth. 

Mars Conjunct Uranus in the First

This is the day I was told I'd be getting a hip transplant, long before I discovered my heart is working at only 25% of its capacity and that has to be taken care of before I can get cardiac clearance, if I ever do. 

So from the sublime to the ridiculous, what has happened today is I placed an order with Walmart this morning to be delivered between four and six, and when I went to the laptop to see why I'd heard nothing by five, I discovered I hadn't hit the Place Order button. Thus my life has gone. 

Sun Sextile Jupiter

I suppose the real question is whether I'm going to go on with this "blog" or not, now that I have no readers because of losing the one I had when I stopped writing weeks (months?) ago. 

That's not the real question at all. The real question is how long I'm going to go on like this. Miserable, in despair, stuck in the house, can't walk. 

And needless to say, my day was not filled with fun and friends and family. 

Venus in the Fifth

This should be amusing, if your sense of humor's as black as mine has turned. Nothing in the date book, not that there has been anything lately except doctor visits, and so far not one of those till the 28th, in Tucson no less.

So - become the transit: 

Progressed Saturn conjunction natal North Node for the rest of my life, in Cancer in the Third.

Just writing that is enough to send me back to bed. Not sure I can mature into my life's purpose when I have no idea what my life's purpose is, except I'm sure it's NOT hobbling around here on a walker all day, unable to do anything I used to do.

Of course I'm not usually hobbling around on a walker. I'm usually in bed as I'm too depressed to get up, but yesterday I vowed to make some kind of change and so this morning spent hours trying to do laundry - not trying, I did it, even though it was difficult to carry sheets while using the walker and it took four trips from the washer/dryer back to the bedroom. 

Become the Transit or Suffer the Transit

 This just might be a (the?) way out. If I can do it.