Here's a Draft I Never Even Started

Forced myself to come on here to post and find I started a draft on 4/16 that didn't have a title and definitely didn't have any content, so I changed the date to today, 4/21, when Mercury is about to sextile natal Uranus for me and I am, of course, in bed, MacBook Air on lap, watching YouTube videos about Trump's mis-management of the war he started with Iran. 

Posting seems more and more ridiculous. Mars trine Pluto, Uranus sextiling all kinds of things, Venus this, Mercury that, and here I am in bed with no motivation wishing no one would email me (not that too many do) because I can't summon up the energy to respond.

My 90 + days of Duolingo went down the drain weeks ago and every now and again I try a lesson - not finishing the daily quests, just the first lesson to give me a one day streak and promise to make that seven, then don't do a lesson the next day then do one and say I'll do seven - on and on and here goes April, fourth month of the year with nothing changing.

Me and America going down the drain at the same time? 

Mercury Opposed to Chiron ...

 ...and Chiron sitting on Mercury.

Purely a coincidence, of course, but yesterday when I noticed the old gate to the "garden" had rotted and fallen down (metaphor for self?) I attempted to pick it up (sensible) and now have severe pain at the back of my right hip. 

Mercury Sextile MC and then ASC

 "A good time to communicate with others" says astrodienst, to the woman who speaks to no-one but doctors and technicians.

I just read what I wrote on the 7th about feeling SO much better because I'd made the decision to get my hip replaced before the knee job, which would be funny now if my sense of humor hadn't disappeared. 

What happened, in a little more detail, is that I told the surgeon yes, I'd like my hip replaced but I want another month of physical therapy. OK, he says. And then, I say, how long does it take to actually schedule the surgery? Six weeks, he says. Oh, OK, says the person with no brain, I'll do another month of therapy then and make an appointment to come back when that's done and then I'll just wait six weeks while you fit me into your schedule. Yes, that sounds just fine.

As soon as I get home my brain begins to work and I realize that gives me TEN weeks to get stronger, and call the surgeon's office to say hey, I'd like to get scheduled for surgery now as six weeks gives me a month and a half for more PT, but of course I can't do it over the phone and have to make an appointment to go and say it in person, and the first appointment they can give me to do that is April 29th but they will happily put me on the cancellation list.  

So as for what I'm supposed to be doing today, I haven't spoken to a soul and probably won't have by the time I go to sleep, so any plans I can mange to make today will be made by me alone and we can all see from the above how good I am at that. 

If I Hadn't Posted this...

... this poor blog might have been lost for ever in the land of I have no idea what.

Seem to have been stuck for the past couple of weeks. No seem, I was.

Great big decision made today.

I shall have my arthritic hip replaced (I keep wanting to say transplanted) before I have my arthritic knee replaced. 

Not yet verified by the medical establishment but just to have made the decision feel better. 

Uranus Trine Chiron

Another didn't know this was happening day except I feel like shit.

This has been going on for a year now and bears no resemblance whatsoever to what astrodienst thinks I should be feeling.

No riding the crest of a wave here, just trying to summon up the energy to do the simplest things that leave me feeling exhausted. My 90-day streak in Duolingo has long gone and sometimes I manage a day, promptly miss two days, do a day, miss three—no ambition, no desire, no nothing. 

Sun Sextile Uranus and...

 ...Venus conjunct Venus  

Yesterday: OK so I have an appointment with the surgeon to discuss my upcoming right hip transplant and only wait an hour to be seen.

We get into a discussion about what hurts and I say my right knee does, I think, but I can't really tell where the pain is coming from, just that it's difficult to walk. The pain in your knee may well be received pain from the hip, says the surgeon. We look at an X-ray of my hip and even I can see the difference between the ball in the socket of my left hip and the big mess on the other side. 

We're here to treat pain, the surgeon says, so you should have your knee replaced first, but the insurance company won't pay for two things in one visit so you'll have to come back next week to get your knee X-rayed. (My GP had sent me to the hospital a month ago for the hip X-ray.)

But the hip replacement is so much easier, I say, everyone says that. No it's not, says the surgeon. They're both serious surgeries. I make an appointment for the knee X-ray next week and on the way home wonder what it will be like when my knee is "OK" after the surgery and I'll have  excruciating pain because of the destroyed hip. 

In spite of all this a friend I haven't seen for ages comes over in the afternoon and we have a brilliant game of UpWords. 

Sun Trine Frigging Pluto

Written on 3/28.

Of course it's Sun Trine Pluto—how can a day like this NOT be Sun trine Pluto—and here is the amazing thing. I didn't know. 

Added 3/30: I no longer pay the attention I once did to daily transits. 

A bit of a breakthrough - living life instead of making notes on it.  

Will describe later.